December 12, 2012

Endings and Beginnings

Wisdom and strength is born of experiencing struggle, pain and change - Polly Taskey

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As the end of the year approaches, I am reminded of the things in my lifetime which have also come to an recent (second) divorce in September, the loss of home-ownership (again), the end of physically pain-free days, the near-sudden halt of my ability to "work" for a living, the gradual end to youthful years of being desirable, the melancholy end to believing any childish dream I could fathom would actually be possible for me...and so on.

Obviously, not every "ending" is a painful event (ie: the end of a long illness or the end of an abusive relationship), but this post is for those moments (or weeks, or even years) when we're left wondering why life has been riddled with so much loss, disaster and suffering. What is the point? Is there a lesson here somewhere? Why do we bother to continue trudging on? What does anyone (God, the boss, the Universe, the spouse, whoever) WANT from us?!

In observing general human behavior and interests, it quickly becomes apparent that we are often looking for something "significant" from our pasts or potential futures while often neglecting the "here and now". We tend to look for things (outside of ourselves) that will surely provide answers to our deepest questions, positively (or perhaps negatively) influence our lives, or help us unravel the "mysteries of the Universe". For example, in twenty-two minutes it will be 12:12pm EST on 12-12-12. Since there is no possible way that I can learn all of the ins and outs of numerology in twenty-two minutes, I am choosing to look within, right now, for the peace and clarity I tend to crave.

As each year passes (and each difficult ending is faced), I feel a bit closer to the answers, as if fragments are being slowly revealed. I'm not sure if I'm "getting it right", but I'll share my thoughts with you anyway. So far, I've  learned that with each "ending", there is a new beginning just around the corner...if I could only stop dwelling on how painful the changes have been, turn my face toward the present, and choose to "see" my own power and the potential positives ahead.

It's true, Magic ("miracles", if you wish) does exist all around us - strengthened or muted by cosmic events,  numerology, energy fields and their levels, color associations and so forth - yet it amounts to little or nothing for us personally if we lack inner balance and strength to begin with. We are, essentially, similar to vessels set outdoors to collect rainwater for the garden. If we are misshapen or full of holes, then no matter how much "rain" we accumulate (from outside of ourselves), it will have little momentum or effect upon the seeds we've planted when we attempt to pour it back out with positive intentions. Much of it will have dripped out or become caught in the misshapen, leaky vessel.

How do you repair and strengthen your "vessel"? Are you holding onto pain or guilt from the past? Perhaps expecting the next "magical date" or certain cosmic alignment to work miracles for you? For me, personally, letting go of painful endings, balancing myself from within and not getting caught in a cycle of lusting after what the future "might" hold is an ongoing process which I will be focusing on intently over the coming weeks, beginning with participation in "Live, Global Meditation" along with "The Master Shift" today.

Have a Blessed Yule my friends!
At the close of the year I breathe a heavy sigh
releasing the pains from the past gone by,
and with the return of the newborn Sun
all promise of the fresh and new is begun.
In the dark weeks of winter I'll rest and revive
building strength from within in order to thrive.
And as the Wheel turns its' cycles once more
I'll be better prepared to learn and explore!
- Polly Taskey   
Inspired by her Native American roots and Bradbury lineage, Polly Taskey is a writer and grandmother in the northern USA.  She shares her wisdom and pagan interests through Pagan by Design and The Moonlit Grove.


MagicLoveCrow said...

Polly, I am so sorry for everything you have been going through my friend! I am sending out many blessings to you! Your post is very wise and I took many things from it! Thank you! Polly you wrote the poem? It is beautiful! Blessed Yule my friend ;o)

Polly said...

Aww, how sweet of you! I've missed you so much, but finally have (intermittent) Internet service back after move. :D Yes, I wrote the poem, thank you!

MagicLoveCrow said...

So happy you have internet service ;o)

MagicLoveCrow said...

Love the poem!!!!

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